


In Memoriam

by Orrymain



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship(s), Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-20
Updated: 2004-05-20
Packaged: 2019-03-16 14:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13638285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orrymain/pseuds/Orrymain
Summary: A surprise visit stirs up Jack's past and spurs Daniel to plan a trip for the couple.





	In Memoriam

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Boy / Michael Shanks](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Boy_Fanfiction_Archive), wand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Boy / Michael Shanks collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/theboymichaelshanks/profile).

In Memoriam

### In Memoriam

#### by Orrymain

Date Archived: 05/20/04  
Website:   
Status: Complete  
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Relationship, Slash, Holiday Fic  
Characters/Pairings: Col. Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson     Jack/Daniel         
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers:   
Permission to archive:   
Series:   
Notes:   
Warnings:   
Disclaimer:   
Summary: A surprise visit stirs up Jack's past and spurs Daniel to plan a trip for the couple.   


* * *

In Memoriam  
Author: Orrymain  
Author Website: http://orrymain.raikiri.net/fanfichome.html Category: Slash, Angst, H/C of the mental kind, Romance, Holiday, Established Relationship Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D Rating: PG-13  
Season: 2 - Memorial Day  
Spoilers: None  
Size: 47kb  
Written: May 9-12,20, 2004  
Summary: A surprise visit stirs up Jack's past and spurs Daniel to plan a trip for the couple. Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. A gal can dream though! Notes:   
1) I've been told this needs a hanky warning! 2) Sometimes, Jack and Daniel speak almost telepathically. Their "silent" words to each other are indicated by asterisks instead of quotes, such as **Jack, we can't. __3) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with ~ in front and behind them, such as ~Where am I?~ 4) For more information on the Vietnam Memorial, there's a great website located at: http://www.vietnamwall.org/ 5) This fic stands alone, but it does reference my past fics, "Echoes of the Past" 6) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: Claudia, Sue, QuinGem, Drdjlover, Kalimyre!

In Memoriam  
by Orrymain 

"The kids will love this booth," Jack spoke confidently as he worked. 

"You mean they'll love getting wet." 

"That's what being a kid is all about -- being mischievous and getting wet." 

"I guess so," Daniel said, shrugging his shoulders at the same time, his eyes not meeting Jack's. 

Jack put down the balloon he had just picked up and walked to Daniel, taking the tie he held and putting it down. He scooped Daniel into his arms and kissed him. 

"I love you." 

"I love you, too." 

"You should come with me to the shelter, Danny. You'd love the kids." 

Daniel scooted away from Jack. "I know. Maybe next time." He picked up a balloon and filled it with water. "You know it would make more sense to fill these up when you get there. A lot of them might break en route." 

Jack sighed, not about the balloons, but about his beautiful lover who had never had anything close to a normal childhood. He headed back over to his stack of balloons and ties. 

"Too much of a temptation." 

"Temptation?" Daniel asked. 

"Oh yeah. They'd spend more time ..." Jack stopped, a wicked smile coming over him. 

"More time doing what?" Daniel asked innocently as he tied off another balloon full of water and attached it to the large board. 

The kids at the children's shelter were having a small carnival in honor of Memorial Day. Monies raised would be split among the shelter and the local veteran's fund. It had become an annual event, usually held the weekend before Memorial Day so it wouldn't interfere with family plans and trips. 

This year, Jack would be manning the water balloon game where kids would throw darts at the board, and for every three balloons they broke, they'd get a prize. The added bonus about this game was that the balloons were full of water that would fall into a tank when popped. When the water reached a certain level, a trigger would go off that would cause a buoy to pop up. The child who broke the balloon that triggered the buoy would receive a very special prize -- an outing to a sporting event of their choice, courtesy of Jack and Daniel. 

Jack had created the extra zing for the booth with great enthusiasm. This particular shelter housed orphans, mostly between the ages of six and thirteen. It was one of a few that had become a favorite of Jack's, and he always enjoyed devoting time to it and the children there. 

Jack worked hurriedly. "More time to do this." 

Quickly, Jack turned and tossed a balloon at Daniel, the balloon bursting upon impact, wetting Daniel's shirt. 

"What the ... Jaaaaack!" 

Jack grinned smugly at his aim. 

"Okay, O'Neill. If that's your game, I can play, too." 

~That's the idea, Dannyboy. Come on. Be a kid.~ "You have to have good aim, you know." 

Jack began to try and dodge his lover who reached in and grabbed one of the previously filled balloons and tossed it. Jack could have ducked, but that wasn't the idea. 

"Direct hit; just lucky. Bet you couldn't do it again," Jack challenged. 

"You're so wrong, Babe." 

Jack took off towards the other side of the house as Daniel threw a strike that hit Jack right in the small of his back. 

~Ouch, but worth it.~ "You're going to get yours, Love." 

Jack hurried back to his supply, pulled out a balloon, and managed to get Daniel on the left arm. 

The game was on. Admittedly, neither tried seriously to avoid the hits, and by the time they were done, they were both soaked. 

"Noooo!" Daniel called out. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I'm out of balloons." 

Daniel panicked as he saw his supply was gone, but Jack's expression was confident, even arrogant with pride radiating all around him. He held up the last previously filled water balloon and walked slowly, yet purposely, towards his lover, his eyes menacing as he moved his eyebrows up and down. 

"Jack ..." Daniel begged with pleading eyes as he took a few steps backward, but then found himself backed up against the wall of the house. 

"The grand finale," Jack said boisterously, holding up the balloon and letting the water fall out atop Daniel's long shaggy hair. 

"Got me," Daniel said softly. 

"Geez, I hope so," Jack whispered as he closed in for a kiss. 

Daniel raised his arms to go around Jack's neck as their kiss deepened. 

His voice soft, he asked, "So ... that's what children do?" 

"With water balloons." 

As he spoke, Jack's voice was a bit cracked, his heart aching from the adultness of Daniel's youth. He knew Daniel had felt abandoned and suffered from the loneliness of having no one but himself to depend on. 

Daniel smiled as he responded, "Thanks for showing me." 

"Danny ..." Jack suddenly realized he didn't have any more words, so he kissed the love of his life again. "Come with me to the shelter." 

Daniel shook his head. "Not this time. I just ... not this time. I'm glad you're doing it, and that you're letting me help, though." 

Running his fingers along Daniel's sides, Jack nodded and reluctantly sighed. 

"Okay. We killed our supply, though." 

"We have bags full of balloons and plenty of time, but maybe we should change into dry clothes." 

"Good idea." 

One more kiss, and then they headed into the house. Jack was ahead of Daniel, a few steps up the stairs when the doorbell rang. 

"Danny, get that, okay." 

"You sure?" 

Jack smiled. "Mi casa, su casa." 

Daniel grinned. He turned and headed for the door, looking over his shoulder and shouting back, "Especially when it's time to take out the trash, right, Jack?" He heard Jack's laughter from the top of the stairs just as he opened the front door. 

Daniel found himself being eyed up and down by two very official looking members of the Air Force. He suddenly realized maybe it wasn't a good idea to have answered the door. He was wearing the cutoffs Jack loved so much and a tight-fitting sleeveless t-shirt. He was barefoot and his hair was mussed from their water balloon fight, not to mention the fact that he was completely soaked. 

"Colonel Jack O'Neill?" 

"Um, no. Uh," Daniel looked behind him towards the inside of the house, hesitant to let the strangers in. "Who are you?" 

The taller of the two men, a Colonel himself, showed his ID card. "Colonel Mason Alexander, and this is Sergeant Mark Alvarez." 

"Um. Excuse me. I'll get Ja...Colonel O'Neill." Daniel closed the door on the two men and headed upstairs. 

Jack was just slipping on a pullover gray shirt when he heard his lover walking into the master bedroom. 

"So who was at the door?" 

"They're still there. Two Air Force men: a colonel and a sergeant. Dress uniforms. I don't know them." 

"Hmm. Okay." Jack walked towards his lover and gave his worried lips a kiss. "Get dry and come downstairs." 

Jack walked downstairs and opened the front door. Introductions made, he invited the two Air Force men inside. 

"So, what is this about?" 

"An oversight, Colonel. As you know, sometimes paperwork gets lost or misplaced." 

"In the Air Force? I can't imagine." 

Jack saw that his sarcastic wit wasn't being appreciated. He cleared his throat, but said nothing, waiting for the men to continue. 

Colonel Alexander continued. "This isn't usually how we do this, Colonel, but a friend of yours ..." Alexander paused and looked at the sergeant. "What was his name, Sergeant?" 

"Major Paul Davis." 

"Friend?" Jack said before thinking, and seeing the questioning look, he back peddled. "Right. Paul. Good guy." ~As long as he keeps his hands off of my Danny. I saw the way he looked at Danny when they met for the first time. Friend my ...~ 

"Colonel, do I have your attention?" 

"Oh, sorry." 

Jack hadn't realized that his thoughts of the Major's potential interest in Daniel had taken him from the current conversation, and just then Daniel walked downstairs a bit tentatively. 

"I'm sorry, should I ..." Daniel motioned to the upstairs. 

"No, Daniel. Gentlemen, I believe you've met Doctor Daniel Jackson. We work together." 

"So I've heard," Alexander stated, again looking Daniel up and down, although this time, Daniel was in jeans and a long-sleeve navy blue shirt. 

It was as far removed from the cut-offs and sleeveless tee shirt he had worn earlier that he could get. 

"Daniel, these gentlemen were about to tell me why they're here." 

Hesitantly, Daniel walked over towards Jack, not knowing where else to go. 

"As I was saying, Colonel, this isn't our normal procedure, but Major Davis requested we go the extra mile, so to speak, and deliver this in person." 

"Deliver what?" 

"Attention!" 

The sergeant snapped to, and though Alexander was the same rank as Jack, so did he. Daniel stood confused. 

"Attention to orders! The United States Air Force has reposed special trust and confidence in Lieutenant Colonel William C. O'Neill. Lieutenant Colonel O'Neill's courage, valor and dedication to duty reflect great credit upon himself, his unit, and the United States Air Force." 

The Colonel paused and opened the box, exposing the medal, the United States Air Force Cross. He spoke more informally, "On behalf of a grateful nation, Colonel." 

"Bill?" Jack said softly. 

Daniel's eyes widened. ~Who's Bill? O'Neill?~ 

Alexander handed Jack the medal in its box. "I'm sorry for your loss, Colonel." 

"Yeah, me, too," Jack said staring at the medal. "Why now?" 

"As I said, the Pentagon sometimes misplaces things. The medal was requested and issued on September 15, 1967, but somehow the paperwork was misfiled. Our apologies." 

"Thank you," Jack said, still staring at the bronze medal. 

"If you'll excuse us, we have some things to attend to." 

"What? Oh, yeah, sure. Daniel ..." Jack trailed off. 

"I'll show you to the door." 

Daniel led the two men to the door, locking it after shutting it behind the two exiting men. He returned to the living room, but Jack wasn't there. He struggled with his decision, and in the end, he decided maybe the best thing was to let Jack have time to himself. Obviously, whoever William C. O'Neill was, it was someone close to his over. 

Daniel sat down on the couch, and stared up at the ceiling, waiting. 

* * *

Two hours later, Daniel was still waiting. He knew Jack was up on the roof. Again, he struggled, and again, he opted to give his lover time. Unfortunately, the time for the carnival was quickly approaching. He went to the backyard and quietly filled up all the balloons. One by one, he loaded the boxes of water-filled balloons into Jack's truck, adding the large board and tank, too. 

He glanced at his watch, and finally decided there was no more time to spare. Slowly, Daniel climbed the ladder to the roof deck. He saw Jack sitting in one of the white deck chairs, hunched forward, eyes locked on the medal he held in his hands. 

"Jack, the carnival; I've put everything in the truck, but if you're going to go, it needs to be now." 

"Carnival?" Jack's voice was distant and detached. 

"The children's shelter. Remember, you're ... doing the water balloon gimmick." 

"Right." 

"Jack, if you aren't going to go, I should call ..." 

"No, I'll go." 

Jack stood and walked by Daniel, their shoulders brushing just briefly, and headed down the ladder. 

Daniel took a breath as he stood, still trying to figure out what was going on. A minute later, he walked inside the house. He was sure Jack would still be there, but he wasn't. Jack had apparently left as soon as he had climbed down from the roof deck. The young man had heard an engine starting, but had been too lost in thought to realize the engine was Jack's Ford F350 truck. 

Not knowing what else to do, Daniel put on his jacket and headed for his apartment, deciding it would be a good night to pick up his mail, feed his fish, do the laundry, dust the furniture, and do whatever else he could think of to not think about Jack's pain and need to be alone. 

* * *

Hours later, Daniel was asleep in his bed at the apartment. Well, not really asleep, but he had been trying to pretend he was sleeping for quite a while. It was after midnight, and the carnival was long over. He had phoned and left a message for Jack at the house, but there had been no response. 

As he lay on his left side, holding on tightly to his pillow, Daniel worried about his partner. ~I wish I could help. I wish you'd let me, but ... I don't even know what happened.~ 

He felt so inadequate. Jack always seemed to know exactly what Daniel needed when he needed it, and it cut the young man to the quick that he didn't seem able to do the same in return. 

Daniel fretted away another two hours, pretending to sleep when finally, he heard the door. Moments later, he felt the hand that always made him shiver with love and anticipation on his body. The hand roamed his bare abdomen as the lips he cherished laid down a trail of kisses along his right arm, then all along his shoulder, and finally his neck. 

"Jack," the word was soft and tender. 

"Busy," came the response from the voice that was synonymous with safety. 

Happy Jack had come to him, Daniel enjoyed the touches and caresses of foreplay, before the two engaged in lovemaking. Afterwards, Daniel had finally fallen asleep, for real, in Jack's arms. 

* * *

The sunlight filtered through Daniel's eyelashes. He reached out for his lover as his eyelids fluttered open, but he was alone. 

"Gawd, I hate it when this happens." 

Daniel hated waking up alone. He buried his face in his pillow as he mourned the absence of his soulmate. Eventually, he got up, showering and dressing and then heading for the kitchen to make breakfast. On the counter sat a note. 

"D., 

I love you. Sorry I was so ... anyway, I have some things to do today. Pizza at six. I'll bring the beer. Our house. 

J." 

"Our house?" 

Daniel sighed. It was a nice phrase, but Jack's physical distance wasn't doing anything for Daniel's security, regardless of Jack's declaration of love. 

* * *

Pizza in hand, Daniel walked into Jack's house at precisely 6 p.m. 

"Danny!" Jack smiled, seeing his lover. He leaned forward for a kiss as he took the pizza and headed for the counter. "Missed you, Babe. Man, what a day I had. Nothing went right." 

Daniel stood silently in shock. Jack was acting like whatever had happened, hadn't. He was smiling and, Daniel thought, positively chipper. 

Jack walked to Daniel. "Time for a proper hello." He kissed his lover soundly. "I want to tell you I'm sorry again for leaving before you woke up. I know you don't like that, but I had so much to do, and I didn't want to wake you up." 

"Jack, what about the medal?" 

"Just a medal; come on. I want to tell you about my crazy day." 

Whatever it was, Jack wasn't going to share, at least not at the moment. Daniel resigned himself to that fact, allowing his lover to chatter on endlessly about his day and whatever else he felt like. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but feel hurt that Jack apparently didn't want to include him in the pain he was obviously feeling. 

The next few days passed with Jack refusing to talk about the medal and the mysterious William C. O'Neill. Daniel considered researching the name, but that was not how he wanted to learn about the man, whomever he was. Their days were filled with the normalcy of their life together -- one recon of a planet, a return follow-up visit to the Land of Light, memos, reports, research, translations, TV documentaries, ESPN, fighting for the remote control, lovemaking, and stargazing. 

At night, Jack and Daniel had gone to bed together, sometimes making love, sometimes just snuggling, but there was another part of their night. Daniel would awake in the early hours of the morning, and Jack would be gone, hiding from himself up on the roof deck, just him, the stars, and a beer or two. 

Daniel had grown tired of the new routine, so tonight, he had told Jack he was staying at the apartment. It wasn't unusual. He still stayed there one or two nights a week, but usually Jack was there with him. This time, though, Jack had just said, "Okay," and made plans to share breakfast with his lover the next morning. 

Instead of sleeping, Daniel tossed and turned. "Gawd, I've gotten so used to him being here." He got up and made some coffee, sipping it silently on the couch for a while. "Maybe I should I have just stayed there." 

He took his coffee cup, now empty, and sat it on the kitchen counter. He leaned against it, debating his decision to stay in the apartment. 

~I don't want to wake up alone. I don't like it. Not just for me, but ... it means he's in pain, and it's just a reminder that I can't help him.~ 

Daniel went to his balcony, sitting down against the patio door. 

~Am I selfish because I don't want to wake up without him being there, holding me? No, that's not it. I mean, there's more to it than that. He hurts. He's not letting me in. I hate that even more than waking up by myself.~ 

Daniel lowered his head against knees as he realized he feared being shut out by Jack completely and permanently if he didn't act soon. 

"Why won't he let me in? Why push ..." Daniel lifted his head. "Oh gawd. It's what I do. After the gamekeeper ... I ... I tried to push him away, not because I didn't love him, but because I was scared. He's just ... scared." 

Daniel stood, his heart beating faster. He smiled an understanding expression, "and what did he do? He risked me pushing him away even more. He ... came after me, made me talk by not letting me shove him out the door. Oh, Jack. That's something you've always done, but I don't think I've ever realized how hard that is for anyone to do until now ... be...because it's what I need to do for you." 

Putting on his sweats, Daniel hurried to Jack's house. He wasn't surprised to find the master bedroom empty; the sheets tossed back, revealing Jack hadn't been there long. 

Reminding himself to be strong, Daniel made his way outside and up to the roof. Jack was seated on the floor of the decking, his back against the wall. His knees were partially raised, his arms hanging loosely over his knees. Jack's head was slumped downward, his anguish obvious. Daniel saw two bottles of beer to the right of his lover, both empty and on their sides. 

"Jack, we need to talk," Daniel said as he approached. ~Not surprised to see me, are you?~ 

Jack said nothing, but he stiffened, his back straightening to be more parallel to the wall. He shifted his seating position to Indian-style. Though it was unusual for them, Daniel chose to sit directly in front of Jack, his legs crossed as well. 

Gently, he reached out and took both of Jack's hands in his. He brought them to his mouth and kissed each one, tenderly, slowly with great care, and then for a moment, he held them to his cheek, rubbing softly as their skin touched. 

He prayed he wouldn't be rebuffed, not totally sure he could handle being rejected by his lover, but he had to do this. Jack had done it for him. Now, it was Daniel's turn to risk rejection. 

"Talk to me, Jack." 

"I thought you were spending the night at the apartment." 

"I missed you." 

"I missed you, too." 

"Now that we have that covered. Talk to me." 

"I am." 

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. It's time, Love." 

Daniel released Jack's hands for a moment, moving them to his lover's face, cupping it. His thumbs caressed gently as the two looked into each other's eyes. Softly, Daniel brushed his lips against Jack's, and then he whispered, "Talk to me." 

Jack knew his running was over. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. He looked up at the stars. 

"Bill was my older brother. I worshipped him. He taught me ... everything." 

"I'm so sorry, Jack." 

"He was in Vietnam." 

"Did ... did he die there?" 

"I don't know. No one knows. I guess so." 

"I don't understand." 

"He was two weeks from coming home when his plane was shot down. It was bringing in new troops. They sent a helicopter in to try and rescue the survivors. Billy pulled two men out and then went back for a third. There was an explosion. The helicopter had to leave. No one ever saw or heard from Billy after that. They listed him as M.I.A. No proof of death. No proof of life. He's ... on the Wall." 

"In Washington, D.C.?" Jack nodded. "I didn't know you had a brother." 

Jack finally looked at Daniel, their misty eyes locking onto each other. 

"I had a happy childhood, Danny. Good parents. It was ... everything a childhood should be. But losing Billy ... that was hard." 

"Did you join the Air Force because of him?" 

Jack smiled. Billy was the essence of patriotism. 

"I'll never forget what he said the last time I saw him." Jack smiled as he remembered. "I wasn't sure he should go, that we belonged in that ... conflict, but Billy told me, 'We have to fight for our liberty, even if we don't always agree with the methods. Be proud, Jack. Stand up for our freedoms.' That's what he told me when he shipped out for 'Nam." Jack bowed his head, and whispered, "That's what he said." 

"And that's what you did." 

"I guess. I tried anyway." 

"He'd be proud of you for following in his footsteps." 

"Proud? I don't know if he ever imagined some of the things I've ..." Jack looked away, the tears in his eyes finally falling. 

"Jack, all you've done is what your country asked you to do, and that's exactly what your brother wanted you to do." 

"I didn't want him to go. We fought, not about Nam. I agreed with him on that, but he was my brother. I loved him, Danny." 

"I know you did." 

"I should have told you about him." 

Daniel smiled. The hurt he'd felt earlier had gone now. He spoke confidently when he said, "You know, Jack, our lives are so crazy. We don't really talk that much about growing up or ... what we did before the Stargate. I don't think it's to hide anything. It's just ... we live for today, not yesterday." 

Jack nodded. He had done a good job of burying his brother deep within his mind, but it felt good to tell Daniel a little about him after all this time. He shared his realization with his lover in a low tone, stating, "No point in lingering in the past, but I shouldn't let his memory just fade away either." 

"Have you gone to the Wall?" 

"No, too painful to think about." 

"Maybe you should." 

Jack shook his head. He wasn't ready for that. ~I'll never be ready for that.~ He sighed and hoped his lover would understand. 

"No. Danny, let's go back to bed. It's getting cold out." 

They stood up and just as they got to the ladder, Jack drew Daniel to him. 

"I love you. Geez, I'm glad you came home tonight," Jack's hold tightened as he spoke. "I ... needed space, Danny, and I hope you know that it had nothing to do with you or us. I just ... I needed to remember." 

"I know, but now it's time to share." Jack nodded. "Let's go to bed." 

Daniel placed another quick kiss on Jack's lips, and then led the way to their bedroom. 

* * *

The next two days were spent off-world, with few opportunities for discussing anything of a personal nature, but after that, SG-1 was given three days downtime. Jack talked of hours of watching ESPN, lounging on the patio, and cuddling with his favorite archaeologist from morning to night. Daniel had let him talk, but he also had other plans for them. 

When Jack awoke the next morning, he found Daniel had already gotten up. ~Now that's unusual.~ He took a shower and dressed, and then walked downstairs to the aroma of eggs, bacon and pancakes. 

"Hmmm. Smells good." He put his arms around the young man he adored as Daniel flipped the hotcakes. "So do you." Jack's nose, mouth, and chin nuzzled into the side of Daniel's neck, strands of the archaeologist's shaggy hair against Jack's face. 

"Thank you." Daniel turned his face towards Jack so they could kiss briefly. "This is just about done. How about getting some orange juice out of the refrigerator for me?" 

"Sure thing, Love." 

Jack pulled out the juice, and motioning to the area, asked, "Counter?" 

Daniel nodded at the location for their morning meal, and then made a request: "Jack, tell me about your brother." 

Jack's forward motion hitched slightly. For a moment, he considered a flippant remark, but he stopped himself. 

"What do you want to know?" 

"What was he like?" 

Jack walked over to the coffee machine to get their morning coffee, wondering why this was so hard. ~It shouldn't be.~ Finally, he answered Daniel's question. 

"He was your typical big brother. He liked art, though, but no one knew it but my mother and I." 

"Did he paint?" 

"Yeah. At first, he did a lot of flowers and bowls of fruit, of all things, but then he got into this interpretative thing with people, especially senior citizens. It began with our grandmother. She was quite a lady. He drew a portrait of her, very colorful, but not exactly what you would call true to life. It wasn't so much what he was painting as the hues and style he painted that made his work interesting. I sure wish I knew what happened to that painting of our grandmother." 

"Impressionistic?" 

Jack shrugged. 

"I don't really know much about art, but Billy liked it. That was his one big secret. The rest of the time he was into sports, airplanes, and girls." 

Daniel chuckled as he spoke, "Sounds normal enough." 

"Once, he circulated four girlfriends at one time. He really liked them, though. They were all into different things. Billy used to say he needed to find one woman that mixed all four of those girls together, but I told him Mom was already married." 

Daniel chuckled as he listened. "So he wasn't doing the girl shuffle just to prove he could?" 

"No. I mean, sure, he had some fun with it, but he genuinely liked all four of them. Got away with it for an entire month before it crashed down on him." 

"Four girls? At one time? I don't know how anyone could get away with that for long." 

"In high school -- lots of testosterone to burn," Jack said with a chuckle. 

"Did they find out?" Daniel asked as he rolled his eyes at the hormonal comment. 

Jack laughed at the remembrance. His brother had been an amazing man. He missed him. 

"You know what, Danny? The irony is that it wasn't his fault they found out. He had a date with one gal during the day and another during the night. He ordered flowers for each of them to be delivered, and the flower folks reversed the cards." 

"Ouch." 

"Yeah, well that started the girls yakking away, and you know that female pipeline, once it started, it couldn't be stopped. The other two found out through the grapevine. Poor Billy. He couldn't hide long enough after that." 

Daniel brought over their breakfast plates full of food to the counter while Jack got up to heat the syrup and grab some extra napkins. 

"What else?" 

"He liked the Beatles, 'James Bond' and monster movies, and ..." Jack hesitated, "John Wayne. He thought the Duke was the greatest thing since ...airplanes. Of course, he may have picked up some of that from Dad. He ways a big John Wayne fan, too." 

Jack ate a few bites of food. "He was a good brother, Danny. We wrestled and fought, but we played together, too. He taught me sports and how to tie together a girl's pigtails without getting caught." 

Daniel laughed at the antics of the young Jack O'Neill. "Your first covert operation?" he asked as he reached out to caress Jack's hand for a moment. 

"Probably." Jack grinned; he'd never thought of it like that. 

As he finished chewing another bite of food, Jack chuckled. 

"What?" 

"Billy would like you, Danny. I was just thinking about a time when he did exactly what you do all the time." 

Daniel wasn't sure he wanted to ask, but curiosity got the better of him. "Okay, I'll bite. What exactly?" 

Jack smiled, knowing Daniel would ask the question. "He always tried to save the princess, or at the very least, to fight for the underdog, no matter what the obstacle." 

Daniel glared at his lover as he waited for the story to go with the comment. 

"There was this little girl who lived a few houses down. Everyone laughed at her. You know, she was a little pudgy, wore glasses, a bit of a bookworm." 

Jack smiled at Daniel. 

"Billy became her protector and her defender. He had heard her crying one day after yelling at the kids who were teasing her. She acted tough, like it didn't matter. Then, she ran off, and I guess Billy saw her in the park on the way home from school. He went up to her and realized for the first time the effect of the jokes. After that, he told the other kids to leave her alone." 

"He was an authority figure?" 

"He was ... intimidating." 

"Runs in the family, I guess," Daniel said, a smile on his face. 

Jack nodded. "Actually, he heard me call her a name or two." Jack saw the stare Daniel gave him. "Give me a break, Danny. I was a little kid. Kids ... make fun of other kids. Or I did, anyway, until that day. I tell ya, Billy pinned me to the ground and lectured me but good. He used everything from logic to threats, just covering all the bases." 

"An O'Neill using logic? Imagine that." 

"He reminded me that our mother and grandmother were once little girls. He said some other things about friends and family, the kind of things that make you stop and think about how it feels to be the one that's different, and then to be made fun of because of it. I grew up a lot that night." 

Jack took a sip of his coffee. "He was a good big brother, the kind you played with, fought with, and learned from." 

"Being made fun of because you're different," Daniel said softly. 

Jack smiled. "He'd love you." 

Daniel looked down, not really sure, but he was thankful for the influence of Billy on his brother. Maybe if Billy hadn't taught Jack about tolerance, Jack wouldn't be the man he was now. Maybe, just maybe, Daniel would have lost out on a great love if Billy hadn't found the courage to stand up to everyone else, and then make sure his younger brother understood the value of acceptance. 

"Danny, what are you thinking?" Jack asked, seeing the deep look of concentration on his lover. 

"I'm ... I'm, uh, thinking maybe I owe Billy some thanks, too." 

Daniel looked down again. He didn't need to say more. Jack understood. 

"You might be right, Love. You just ... might be right about that." 

There was silence for a few minutes, and then the conversation turned to other things while they finished their meal. Then Jack put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher while Daniel finished his coffee. He kept glancing at his lover as he sipped the drink. 

"Anything special you want to do today, Danny?" 

The archaeologist glanced at his watch. 

"Actually, yes. We need to go." 

"Go where?" 

Jack started the dishwasher, and then washed his hands. Daniel had already gotten up, however, and was in the living room headed for the entranceway. 

"Daniel? Go where?" Jack saw their bags were packed, placed by the front door. He repeated his question. "Go where?" 

"Washington, D.C." 

Jack immediately tensed, surprised at Daniel's response, that he would plan such a trip at this time. 

"Daniel ..." 

"Jack, we're going." 

"No, Daniel. We're not." 

Jack turned and started to head for the stairs, but Daniel ran, standing on the first step. He extended his left hand out to stop his lover's momentum. 

"Danny ..." 

"Listen to me ..." 

"I don't want to listen to you right now. If you're so hellfire bent on going, then go, but I'm staying here." 

Jack turned around and walked to the fireplace. He didn't want to fight with Daniel, but he wasn't going to D.C. 

"Jack, please hear me out." 

Daniel walked a few steps to stand near the couch. He crossed his arms, nervously waiting. He didn't want to force Jack into anything, but he did want to talk. ~Come on, Jack. Give just a little.~ 

Jack sighed, bowing his head and then shaking it back and forth a couple of times. He turned around to look at Daniel. 

"Okay. I'm listening." 

"Thank you. Jack, you've been telling me that I need to deal with my parent's death. Not to run from it or hide. You keep telling me it's okay to grieve, to cry, even to laugh. You want me to remember, and ... we're doing the same with Charlie. Jack, why is your brother different?" 

"Geez, Daniel, don't use logic on me." 

"He's worth remembering, being remembered. So ... let's go say goodbye, and then we can move on." 

"I don't know." 

"I do. Trust me, Babe. Please." 

"Your negotiation skills are as sharp as ever, Love," Jack said, making eye contact with his lover. 

With a bob of his head, Jack consented to the trip, and soon, the couple were headed for the capital. 

* * *

Daniel was paying for the cab and overseeing the luggage while Jack went inside the lobby to check in. He realized he had forgotten to ask Daniel which name the reservation was under. 

"It's either under O'Neill or Jackson," he told the desk clerk. 

"Actually, Sir, I have reservations under both names." 

"Maybe one is for someone else. It would be Jack O'Neill or Daniel Jackson." 

"Those are the names, Sir. We have Mister O'Neill in 309 and Mister Jackson in 213." 

~No, I don't think so.~ Jack shook his head as he responded to the clerk. "Do you have a suite available?" 

The clerk checked the reservations. 

"We have two conventions going on. The only suite we have open is on the tenth floor. It's our basic suite, one room with a sitting area and kitchenette. There's just one bed, however. Queen size." 

"We'll take that," Jack said as he pulled out his wallet with his credit card. "Put it under O'Neill." 

The clerk added, "The sofa in the sitting area does open up to a bed." 

"Thank you." ~...but no, I don't think so.~ 

Finally, Daniel and the luggage met up with Jack near the elevator. Jack handed his lover a security card for the room, and waved off the bellman. 

"Thanks, but we've got it." 

Inside the elevator, Jack pressed the button for the tenth floor. They rode up in silence, but once inside the suite, both began to talk at the same time. 

"Jack, I didn't order a suite." 

"Daniel, blast it, why'd you order two rooms?" 

Both stood, staring at each other, and at the same time, again, both spoke -- "I'm sorry." 

"Oh, Danny." Jack walked to his lover. "When we go somewhere, it's together, all the way, just like it is at home." 

"I know, but ... I thought ... Jack, we're in Washington, D.C. Who knows who we might run into. I was trying to ... I mean, I ..." 

"You were trying to protect me?" 

Daniel nodded as he leaned into Jack's embrace. Jack smiled as he held his lover, so grateful that Daniel was his. He felt so at peace with Daniel in his arms, like there was nothing else in the world except for the young man he loved. 

"You have a point. We have to be more formal here. We can't ... hold hands when we walk around like we would in other cities, but we can still share a room. Even the clerk pointed out that the sofa opened up to a bed." 

"Just share a room?" 

"Smarty pants. We're going to share much more than just a room." 

"I hope so." 

"In fact ..." Jack kissed his lover's forehead, "I think we should christen the bed now." 

"Do you?" Daniel tilted his head so he could look at his sexy lover. 

"Oh yeah. You agree?" 

"Most definitely!" 

* * *

The next morning, after breakfast, they headed for the Vietnam Memorial. It was a moderately warm day with a slight breeze that caused Daniel's shaggy hair to blow about slightly. Daniel was dressed casually, in blue jeans and a brown plaid shirt, but Jack had chosen to wear his dress blues. 

They walked leisurely through the park, not saying much of anything, the long, black walls coming closer with each step they took. There were vendors nearby where guests could purchase all kinds of memorabilia related to the Wall and the missing. 

"It feels so commercial." 

"Some, but not all," Daniel responded softly, noting some of the vendors contributed to various veteran funds and charities. 

They stopped to pick up some literature about the construction of the memorial. Daniel read it, relaying some of the information to his lover as they stood, still looking at the memorial from a distance. Jack wasn't yet ready to go closer. 

"It cost almost nine million dollars to build, all donated. This is interesting, Jack. One of the architects, Maya Lin, wanted the Wall to tell the day-by-day story of the tragedy of deaths. Part of that was that she wanted the end of the list of names to be near the beginning, to show a closed circle, like a wound that is closed and healing." 

"A healing wound." 

Daniel smiled. 

"Great idea, isn't it? That's what the people who come here do, too. They're trying to come to terms with the sadness and the tragedy, maybe to find closure, maybe ... maybe just to let the healing start. Remembering helps to do that; that is, when you remember the good as well as the bad and don't let the bad take over. You've taught me that." 

Jack looked at Daniel, surprise on his face and in his tone as he asked, "I have?" 

Daniel nodded in affirmation. 

"My parents. It's not easy. I still have a long way to go, but when we visited the museum, that was ... like this, for me. Like letting the skin finally grow back, healing the wound. It's about remembering my parents, not the coverstone, and for you, it's remembering Billy, the brother who taught you so much, not the soldier who never come home from Vietnam." 

"My genius," Jack said with a cracked voice. "Tell me more about the Wall." 

Daniel realized Jack needed a bit more of a distraction as he prepared to move forward. He looked down at the pamphlets. 

"The names on the Wall are approximately half an inch high and are photo etched. The two walls extend almost five hundred feet and are slightly higher than ten feet in the middle." 

Daniel glanced at his lover and decided to keep going with his brief overview of the Wall's setup. 

"The Wall consists of one hundred forty black granite panels, each numbered. The west wall on the left goes from seventy to one, and the east wall on the right goes from one to seventy." 

"So they meet ... and the healing starts." 

"That's the idea. The Wall was dedicated in November 1982." 

"Took a long time, didn't it?" 

"A very long time." 

Jack moved forward, Daniel keeping pace. As they neared the Wall, they stopped by the table on which a large book had been placed. It listed all the names that were etched on the black surface and looked up the name of William C. O'Neill. Finding the location, they walked on, passing others who were doing the same thing as they were. As they walked, they saw the gifts, little mementos left by friends and family of the fallen heroes. 

There were some flowers, a teddy bear or two, photos, yellow ribbons, and more, all things left in honor of those still missing from a long-ago conflict. They knew the items would be picked up at the end of the day and taken to an exhibit at the Smithsonian for the world to visit ... and remember. 

Finally, Jack stopped. He knelt down, his right hand slowly extending to touch the granite. He traced downward until his heart stopped beating. There it was ... William C. O'Neill. 

"Billy," Jack whispered. 

Daniel knelt down, handing Jack the piece of parchment and a pencil. Jack hesitated. Part of him thought it was silly. ~What's the point of rubbing his name onto a piece of paper?~ Yet, he couldn't help himself. Somehow, it was healing. As he rubbed, he felt even closer to his older brother, like somehow, they were connecting, coming together after all these years. 

Daniel stood back, giving Jack room. He worked hard not to let the tears fall. His lover was aching, and he was trying to stay strong himself. 

"I'm sorry it took so long to come here, Billy." Jack handed the rubbing to Daniel for safekeeping. "I miss you, bro." 

Then, Jack took a breath. He reached into his pocket and took out the Air Force Cross. He stared at it for quite a while. Then, he laid it on the ground, along with the official letter that had accompanied it. 

Jack stood, took a few steps backward, and with a cracked voice said, "This is for you, Billy." 

Unable to stop the tears from streaming down his face, Jack gave an order to himself. 

"Ten hut." 

He saluted, holding the gesture for several seconds. Then he released the salute and said softly, "Goodbye, Billy. I won't forget again." 

Jack turned and walked away, leaving Daniel standing in front of the black wall, his own tears falling. The young man looked around. He smiled at the various people that were close by. He'd tell Jack later how they had all stood at attention with the order, in honor of Jack's fallen brother, someone they didn't even know. 

"Goodbye Billy," Daniel whispered as he turned to catch up with Jack. 

He wished he could hold Jack. It made him heartsick that he couldn't, that they had to walk forward without touching. Daniel felt like screaming. Jack needed him, but all he could do was bemoan the old "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" regulations. 

But then Jack shook his head. "I don't friggin' care," he let out, turning and drawing Daniel into his hold. "Geez, I need you, Danny. I need this." 

Daniel held his lover, mindful of their location, a large park, full of visitors from around the world, and very likely some military personnel, but they were best friends, so he tried to keep it on the level, tried to hold back a little. He closed his eyes as he comforted his best friend, until they both had the strength to go on, heading back to the hotel where they made love. 

Jack needed it, to get lost in Daniel, to feel life and joy. Only Daniel could give him that now ... and Daniel did. 

That afternoon, they lay together in the bed of their suite, tears of joy and sorrow having fallen from both of them off and on all day. 

"Danny?" 

"Yes?" 

"I love you." 

"I love you, Jack." 

"Let's go home." 

"You don't want to go anywhere else?" 

"No. I want to go home and ... live our lives. That's what healing is, isn't it?" 

"Yes, it is." 

* * *

Jack and Daniel returned home that night, and the next day just lounged around for the most part. At one point, though, Jack went outside to mow the lawn and trim the hedges. While he did that, Daniel occupied himself with a special project. 

Eventually, Jack went inside, his yard work completed. He showered, and when he came downstairs, Daniel was sitting on the sofa, one of the cushions over his lap. The young man smiled. 

"Jack, come sit down." 

"Hmmm, that sounds ominous." 

"No, I just want to give you something." 

Jack sat next to his soulmate and smiled as he spoke, "Okay, here I am." 

"This is for you." 

Daniel handed Jack the object he had kept hidden, the special project he'd been working on while Jack was outside. Jack stared at the gift and nodded. 

"This is ... nice, Danny. Thank you." 

As he held it, Jack's fingers gripped the edges of the black frame anxiously. He blinked a few times as he stared down at it, his breathing changing as he reacted to the special present. His eyes became moist as he took in the cherished present. 

"To remember his life." 

"That would be good," Jack agreed. 

Nodding, Jack touched his finger to the glass, and then closed his eyes, remembering a precious moment in time. 

"Real nice, Danny. Really nice," he spoke with a cracked voice. 

He seemed to have a hard expressing his emotion. Jack's Daniel was amazing, so thoughtful and loving, and Jack wanted to tell him so ... he just couldn't find the right words. 

"It's perfect," Jack whispered and swallowed hard, still lost in the trip through time the gift had just taken him on. 

Then, Jack stood and walked to the study. Daniel followed, careful not to crowd his lover. Jack walked to the north wall and took down a photo of an airplane that had hung there, and in its stead, placed the five by seven inch frame that Daniel had just given him. He stepped back a few feet and stared, eventually smiling. 

Inside the frame was a photo that Jack had unearthed from a box full of old family photos he kept in the garage. It was of him and Billy playing with their dog, a large German shepherd. Both boys were on their knees on the grass of their backyard, the dog standing in between them. They were laughing as they petted their friend. 

Next to the picture was the parchment rubbing of Billy's name that Jack had traced from the Vietnam Memorial in Washington, D.C., and written underneath it, in calligraphy, were the words, "Always loved and never forgotten." 

Jack nodded as he looked at the man who was his heart. 

"Danny, did I ever tell you about the time Billy made me jump off the roof?" 

Jack's eyes were sparkling, his look mischievous. This was a great story, and he was eager now to share it, and others, with his lover. 

Daniel laughed at the question. Until the last few days, he hadn't even known that Billy existed, but this moment wasn't about realism, it was about heart, about healing, and about remembering someone special who deserved to be talked about fondly. 

"Ah, no, Love, I don't think so. Tell me." 

"It was amazing. We were ..." 

Jack put his arm around Daniel's shoulders and led him back to the living room, his voice full of life as he remembered his brother and the good times they shared. 

~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~   
  


* * *

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